Just Jan

Recently, my husband and I attended the funeral of a remarkable man. A man that had made a difference in many lives. The church probably had around 500 people in attendance to mourn and celebrate his life. Dub and his wife dressed as Santa and Mrs. Claus for many years. They visited nursing homes. children, friends, businesses–and brought joy wherever they went. Dub was a man of God, a dedicated father, husband, grandparent, and friends. He coached little league baseball for 38 years. He raised 4 sons and 2 daughters. He supported policemen and firefighters in a big way which was evidenced by the entire departments in attendance in uniform. The stories they shared were so heartwarming. But what impressed me the most was his dedication to raising his children to put God first. This was a sports loving family. Dub was an athlete. He sat high expectations and encouraged each of his children to be active in some sport. And they were very successful. Two played college football. But all of this was secondary to attending church, Sunday School and church on Sunday and bible study on Wednesday nights.

Dub was loving but tough. He taught his sons to look people in the eye, Shake hands firmly, and much more. As I listened to a grown son share what his father had taught him, I hoped that if there were young fathers sitting in the auditorium that they were taking note. During my teaching career, I often found myself saying things like, “Look at me when I am speaking to you!” It worries me that parents think their children will learn manners by osmosis. In other words, children are not being taught.

Parents should not assume that their children come equipped with manners. Social cues may be expressed by facial expression, body language, tone of voice, and even silences, but many times, children are oblivious to these cues. Raising your eyebrows at a child could send the message–‘I have a headache’ when a mother is trying to say ‘you are interrupting our guest.’

Ann Landers often shared advice on raising children in her newspaper column from the mid 1950s through the 90s. I guess she was one of the first ‘influencers’ of her time. I was about to say that’s why the ‘baby boomer’ generation has such nice manners. But FOX News just had a headline going across my TV screen that said “Baby Boomers Take over NO KINGS Rallies”!!! No way. Have we forgotten the basic laws of decency we were taught? Well, just in case we need reminders–here are a few– for ourselves, our children, and grandchildren. Grandparents can also play a big role in teaching grandchildren manners.

1. Respect others–treat people with kindness.
2. Say please and thank you.
3. Ask for permission!
4. Listen when others are talking and do not interrupt.
5. Look people in the eye and say hello.
6. Shake hands FIRMLY.
7. Admit mistakes and apologize.
8. And last but not least–“So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you for this sums up the Law and the Prophets.” Matthew 7:12 (NIV)

So I wrote this about 2 weeks before Halloween. After I posted, I felt like it was a rather critical take on parenting. After having a trunk for my church’s “Trunk or Treat”, I sadly have to report that over half of the children failed to say ‘thank you”,

And I admit after greeting each costumed guest with a hello , many failed to response back with a greeting. The same thing happened at my front door on Halloween night. I would say about half would say thank you and the others would not. I do not participate in giving out treats for thanks or appreciation. But I realized as a parent, I wanted my children to be thought of as well-mannered and I have to believe young parents today feel the same way. They may be shy or freeze at the moment, but –parents–do not shy away from repeatedly encouraging your children to speak when spoken to and to always say ‘thank you’. All of these children were precious to me regardless of their manners–but when I was met with eye contact and a verbal thank you–it was heartwarming.